Every evening after dinner, not before, something comes alive in my son. He begins by eyeing me down from about ten feet away, then slowly steps toward me like a lion cub working on his stalking. Step by step, inch by inch, he creeps until gets within a few feet. Then all of a sudden he yells and jumps on me…the fight is on! This activity has been something that is not only looked forward to, but expected since he was around two years of age.
Several months ago, I was gone on a hiking trip through Zion National Park. When I returned my wife recanted something she noticed when she tried to stand in for me after dinner. She told me that per usual after dinner, my son wanted to wrestle. So, she tried to “act like me” and wrestle him as she has seen me do. But, after a few minutes my son got aggravated at her and quit.
Were her sweet moves not good enough? Was she physically unable to challenge a three-year-old? No. He didn’t want to wrestle her because she was not me. She was not the father. She was not the man who he seeks to impress, to get encouragement from, to beat, to be like one day. He could tell, even at age three, something was different between mommy and daddy.
The benefits of rough housing our children, specifically the boys have been thoroughly documented. A quick google search will lead you to many psychology studies, articles, and books emphasizing the need for men to put down the phone, look at their sons in the eyes, and roll around on the floor with them.
One of my favorite authors, John Eldridge, recounts in his book, Wild at Heart, (which I suggest all men have on their must-read list) how boys communicate and feel love so much differently than girls. How they yearn for excitement, adventure, to be the complete opposite of tame, to know they are strong, through physical exertion.
Rough housing teaches resilience, done correctly it teaches confidence not only in themselves but how to be confident around other men. It shows our children that they are capable, and strong, and it gives them a platform to show dad how big they are, and it gives dad a platform to encourage and challenge them.
I would challenge every man to go home tonight and get on the floor with your son. Set up a “perch” for him to jump off the couch, the “top rope” onto you. Teach him to roar, show him your roar! Knock him down. Let him knock you down. Encourage him to get up and keep going. Tell him, no show him that he is so strong and that one day he will be stronger than you are. Let him win and when he does make a big deal out of it. Believe me, if you do this, you are going to see your son come alive in ways you have never seen before.
Most importantly, however you choose to implement this rough housing or wrestling, make sure it is done out of love. Every time I am wrestling my son, it is a time filled with laughter and grunts. It is not my goal to dominate or intimidate. This will have the opposite of the desired effect.
Remember this is a time for him to grow. A time to be bold with no judgement. This is a time for him to bond with his father, and a time for you to fill your son with a feeling of success.
