Being a dad is a rich and layered experience, not a random job or duty. It’s wonderful work very few can compare to with outcomes that benefit the world tremendously.
As a dad striving daily to fully embrace your role in today’s fast-paced and evolving world, staying constantly in tune with aspects that have proved unshakable and foundational to the core and success of fatherhood is vital.
Here are 4 important aspects of fatherhood dads must continually keep in mind as they explore and engage in the journey of fatherhood.
1. Presence
A dad’s presence cannot be overstated. When we are actively involved in our children’s lives, they do better and experience better outcomes. However, when we are absent as dads, the ramifications can be pervasive and devastating for a child. A dad’s presence in a child’s life, whether it’s from a distance or in close proximity, opens the door for him to positively and consistently influence the child. His involvement speaks volumes to them and can serve as a stabilizer. It increases the child’s sense of worth and communicates they are worthy of his time, attention and affection.
Being present as a dad doesn’t mean perfection. Children would rather have a dad that’s present than one who is perfect. It’s also not a 24/7 proposition, especially for dads who live apart from their children. But regardless of our situation or challenges, when we make it a point to be all in, showing up for the small and big occasions in their lives, consistently doing things like writing letters, calling or texting them regularly, we send a message to them that they matter, that we care deeply for them and truly want to be connected and involved in their lives.
Being present for your kids is one of the best gifts you can give to them, and one of the greatest contribution we make as dads to our communities and the world.
2. Protection
The world is becoming an increasingly scary place and whether you are five, 25 or 50, having a solid sense of physical and psychological safety is priceless. Children can be vulnerable and need to be protected. As a dad, you are a fortress for your child and protecting them might require you to don a ninja suit and take out some bad actors to shield them from physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual attacks.
The protection we provide as dads will look different through the changing phases and stages of their lives. Protection doesn’t mean we coddle and keep them from ever experiencing any challenges or trouble in life. It means that we prepare, support, and stand by them as they navigate life. When children know they can depend on their dads to protect them, they begin to develop the positive confidence essential to face the challenges life will inevitably throw their way. Educating kids from an early age about their choices and decisions can help them develop a mindset that guides and protects them as they mature into young adults and beyond.
Here are some practical things we can do as dads to protect our kids:
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Don’t instill fear. Increase their confidence by teaching them how to sense, respond to and manage volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous situations
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Pay close attention to their use of media and social media so you can help them make sense of the information they are receiving
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Teach them safety rules and practice safety drills
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Get to know and ask questions about the people in their life (teachers, coaches, friends, pastors, work colleagues) without being paranoid or overbearing
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Pray with and for them
3. Provision
Almost every dad I know is always thinking and or talking about the things — tangible and intangible — they want to provide for their children. We all don’t have the same list, but we all have a list.
Dads are designed to provide and have an inherent need for it. The desire to provide is rooted in our makeup and is why we gain satisfaction from both working and providing. When a dad feels like he can’t provide, it impacts him on a deep level because one of his purpose for existing isn’t being fulfilled. Some dads provide because they had a good model and aspire to pass on that legacy. For some, there wasn’t a good model and they aspire to break the cycle and leave a better legacy for their children.
Regardless of where you fall on that spectrum, having a healthy perspective and balance in our pursuit of providing for our children is extremely important. Yes, we have both the desire and responsibility to be providers, but we must see the forest for the trees. It doesn’t do us much good to successfully provide but lose ourselves and relationship with our kids in the process.
4. Praise
Our kids have intrinsic value just the way they are and shouldn’t need to win a trophy to make us proud of them. We ought to be pleased with them and express it before they ever achieve anything. Trophies and titles don’t make them any more valuable just as it doesn’t make us anymore valuable. Their worth is not determined by the sports they play, the grades they make or the constantly moving standard of success society imposes.
Day in and day out they yearn for us to see their value, to acknowledge that they matter…especially to us. They crave our approval and want to make us proud. They don’t want to disappoint us and are constantly striving to live up to a standard we set because they love us or because they have unresolved anger towards us and want to prove a point.
Tell them often that you believe in them, that they have a bright future, that you are pleased with them and proud to be their dad. We should be encouragers, enhancers, enlargers and lifters through our words and actions, because there is huge chance that if we value and believe in them, they will value and believe in themselves.
