An essential part of life and being a dad is learning to forgive. I’ll be the first to admit that forgiveness doesn’t always come easily, especially when I feel justified in my anger or hurt. But I have learned over the years that holding onto anger and hurt does more harm than good—for us as individuals, our families, friendships, and especially in our role as dads.
Refusing to forgive is like carrying a heavy load on your back. Marianne Williamson describes unforgiveness as, “drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” You may think you’re justified, but the truth is, it’s weighing you down and draining light and life out of you.
Forgiveness is not just a kind gesture; it’s essential for your growth and well-being, and here are five reasons why.
1. Forgiveness Heals Us
One day, my daughter accidentally deleted an important project I’d been working on for days. I was furious. I spent hours in frustration, blaming her for my lost work. But as I sat there, it dawned on me—my anger wasn’t fixing the situation. Holding onto that anger wasn’t going to bring the project back. At that moment, I chose to forgive her. Instantly, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. I approached her calmly, explained why it was important to be careful, and let her know that mistakes happen. Forgiveness healed me from the frustration that was eating at me and enabled me to recalibrate and begin to work on the project again. Chances are your situation is way bigger than some lost computer files, but the truth is when we choose to forgive, we give ourselves permission to let go and heal from emotional wounds.
2. Forgiveness Teaches Our Kids Empathy and Accountability
Our kids are sponges—they absorb everything we do. When they see us forgive, it teaches them valuable lessons in empathy and accountability. Think about it. How many times have your kids messed up—whether it’s forgetting to do chores, breaking a rule, or making a bad decision? I know my kids have had their fair share. Let’s be real, even I have forgotten to complete a chore, broken rules, and made bad decisions. But when we approach these situations with forgiveness, we’re showing them that while actions have consequences, there’s always room for understanding and growth.
I remember one time my son told a fib about something he thought would upset me. Instead of lashing out, I forgave him, but we talked about trust and responsibility. That moment wasn’t just about forgiveness; it was about teaching him that honesty is key in relationships and that mistakes can be forgiven.
3. Forgiveness Reduces Stress
As dads, we carry a lot on our shoulders—work, family, personal goals. When we hold onto grudges or remain angry, we’re adding unnecessary weight to that load. Have you ever noticed how tense and stressed you feel when you’re upset with someone? Whether it’s a co-worker, spouse, or even your child, holding onto that negativity impacts your physical and mental health. I’ve learned that when I forgive, I feel lighter. My stress levels go down, and I can be more present with my family. It is essential for us as dads to create environments of peace, and that starts with being quick to forgive and let go.
4. Forgiveness Models Strength and Growth
Forgiveness doesn’t come easy; it requires strength. It takes courage to say, “I forgive you,” especially when we’ve been deeply hurt. When we forgive, we model personal growth for our children. They see that we are strong enough to let go of pain and wise enough to choose peace over conflict.
5. Forgiveness Strengthens Relationships with Our Kids
Our children are going to mess up—just like we did when we were kids. And as dads, we have a choice in how we respond to their mistakes. When we forgive them, we build a deeper bond of trust and love. It doesn’t mean we excuse poor behavior, but it does mean that we show them unconditional love regardless of their slip-up, and that trust makes our relationship even stronger.
Action Steps for Dads
Forgiveness isn’t just for the other person—it’s for you. It frees, strengthens, and brings peace into your life. Forgiveness is an ongoing practice. And now that we know why forgiveness is essential, let’s talk about how to practice it.
- Reflect: Take a moment to think about any grudges or frustrations you’re holding onto. Are they helping or hurting you?
- Communicate: If you need to forgive someone or ask for forgiveness, don’t hold back. Have that conversation. Clear the air.
- Empathize: Try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective. We all make mistakes, and understanding that can help soften your heart.
- Set Boundaries: Forgiveness doesn’t mean tolerating bad behavior. Make sure you’re clear about your boundaries while still offering grace.
- Seek Support: If forgiveness feels overwhelming, talk to a counselor or a trusted friend. Sometimes we need guidance on how to let go.
