Nineteen years ago, when I became a dad for the first time and walked out of the hospital into fatherhood, it never crossed my mind to prepare for the inevitable failures that come with any journey—including parenthood.
Looking back, I see how misguided that mindset was.
I essentially signed up for a journey for which I lacked the mindset and ability to navigate back on track when I lost my way.
Why is it important for us to prepare for failure?
The answer is simple: All of us fail as we navigate life, especially as fathers. We take wrong turns and make wrong moves that lead to difficult seasons and dead ends.
No one wants to fail. However, the real issue is not if you will fail, but whether you can learn from your failure.
“Failure should be our teacher,” said Dennis Waitley, “not our undertaker. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end.”
Failure is humbling, that’s for sure. However, an important step in weathering failure is learning not to personalize it by ensuring you understand that your failure does not define you as a failure. And that calls for us to see and reframe failure in 3 important ways:
- Failure is not final.
- Failure is not your identity.
- Failure is not the enemy.
One thing is certain – we will fail as dads, but our legacy as dads rests on how we recover from failure.
Here are 5 things we can do to respond and recover well from failure:
1. Own it.
When we fail, getting honest and owning our failure is the first step toward recovery, healing, and success. If we try to hide our faults or blame others, we rob ourselves of the opportunity for growth and give up our power to effect change.
2. Apologize well.
Apologies require you to be vulnerable, and it can be difficult to do sometimes. When you offer an apology, you convey that you are a person in progress, capable of change.
In his book, The Last Lecture, Randy Pausch writes that, “a good apology has three parts: 1) I’m sorry. 2) It’s my fault. 3) What can I do to make it right?”
A genuine apology is not about getting forgiveness—it’s about acknowledging your wrong and choosing to be better.
3. Learn from it.
We haven’t truly failed until we choose not to learn from our failure. Every failure we encounter has one or more lessons we can learn from to become better. Failure can be a stepping stone and building block if we are willing to heed the instructive lessons and clues it leaves behind.
“You may encounter many defeats,” said Maya Angelou, “but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”
4. Invite community.
Life moves at the speed of relationships. We seldom remain stuck in a cycle of failure when we are surrounded by people who hold us accountable to our commitment to do better.
We must be open and honest to ensure the support and discipline accountability partners bring to our lives are effective. We cannot be closed off, isolate ourselves, or adopt a lone-ranger mentality. Iron sharpens iron.
Embracing accountability is essential for success. It’s not a sign of weakness; it’s an indicator of strength and wisdom.
5. Start again.
“Our greatest glory is not in never failing,” said Ralph Waldo Emerson, “but in rising up every time we fail.”
For many of us, the pain of failure leads to the fear of failure and a hesitation to start or attempt again. Sam Beckett provides a great perspective on failure. He said, “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”
Your kids don’t need a perfect dad. What they need is a dad who won’t quit on them and himself.
With the right mindset and attitude, failure is neither fatal nor final. It’s a momentary event, not a lifelong epidemic. Ultimately, your success and legacy as a dad are based on your ability to fail and rise again.
