Each year across the world, the lives of millions of men begin to change when they hear these words: “you’re going to be a dad.” or “I’m pregnant.” Some times, it is planned so they anticipate it, and in some cases they’re taken by surprise.
After receiving this life transforming news, many dads-to-be don’t know where to turn to get all the information they need to prepare and assist them during what is the start of a significant shift in their lives, causing them to either stumble around while trying to make sense of it all or remain in the dark.
Regardless of which category you fall into, having a baby has been known to send even the toughest of men into a loop of constant worry, uncertainty and a feeling of exclusion and inadequacy.
If you or someone you know feels this way, there is hope and it starts with knowing these 5 truths:
1. If you feel anxious, you’re not alone
Dads-to-be and experienced dads feel the same anxiety you are experiencing. Concerns about what kind of father you’ll be, costs associated with having a child or another child, and how your relationship with your spouse or partner will change are some of the issues new and veteran dads have to work through. Though these concerns are common, you must take every step possible to prevent them from dominating you.
Dealing with these concerns can be an uphill battle, but redirecting the time and energy worrying takes can be very helpful. For example, one concerned dad-to-be who worked in a bank during the day spent his evenings building a cradle for his baby in his basement after his wife had gone to bed. Another, a computer programmer, spent his free time creating a program he planned to teach his child later.
After two kids, I can say that some of mine and the concerns of other dads-to-be at the time were slightly exaggerated. The truth is most of the things I was anxious about turned out fine and my guess is it will be the same for you.
2. Having a baby can be expensive
Expenses related to having a baby can quickly and easily start to add up, especially if it’s your first time. When my son was born, we purchased all types of baby items. Some we needed and used a lot, others we hardly used and a lot of the items we purchased just didn’t get used.
So while you may be excited and tempted to buy all the latest baby toys and gadgets on display at your local store or on Amazon, purchase only the items you absolutely need, and as your baby grows and settles into their new home, you can assess and make additional purchases. Save your money to purchase formula and diapers as these two items alone will cut deep into your pocket!
3. Your wife or partner will need your help every step of the way
It will be more than you are accustomed to doing, and you’ll be tempted to hide behind your work, hobby or whatever else you can come up with. But you’ll need to recommit daily to being there for her because she needs you so she can stay focused on keeping herself and your baby healthy. You can start being there for her by helping out more with the house work and kids if you are parents already, attending hospital visits, new parenting classes and preparing your home to welcome your baby. Experts have stated that getting involved early and at every level, not only makes things easier for the mother, but it also keeps you from feeling left out.
4. It’s never too early to start interacting with your baby
Bonding with your child doesn’t have to wait until birth. It can start during those first nine months of development. Through touch and sound, you can begin the bonding process. Touching your partner’s stomach, speaking, singing and reading to your baby will help your little one get to know you faster. From as early as 16 weeks, babies can begin to hear sounds.
Prenatal researchers believe that from at least six months of pregnancy onward, babies are aware of and influenced by what’s going on in the outside world. Research has also found that if dads speak to a baby before birth, the newborn will recognize dad’s voice. Your voice and touch will be different from mom’s and your baby will pick that up.
5. You’ll need all the help and support you can get
No man is an island, so find and receive the support you need. One way you can find support is by looking up dad support groups online and in your local area. Also, if you have friends who are new or veteran dads, speak to them or spend some time with them and their kids. This can help you process some of the anxiety, and provide ideas on how to deal with the changes and challenges you’ll encounter during your journey.
The key I have found to successfully navigating the ‘dad-to-be’ season is not in knowing all the answers, but in getting fully involved from day one despite your unpreparedness. It’s how I learned and continue to learn to be a dad. The more involved you’re from the beginning, the more involved you will be as a parent for the long run.
