Having a positive impact on a child’s life is every dad’s dream. However, oftentimes we question whether we have what it takes to be impactful dads and if we are doing things right. I have discovered that becoming a great dad doesn’t happen in a day; you get there daily over time.
While each dad’s journey is unique, certain qualities can significantly enhance your role as a parent. Developing these qualities will help you build strong relationships, create cherished memories with your children and make a lasting positive impact on their lives.
1. Patience
Raising children is not a scripted linear experience. It can be demanding and unpredictable. As a dad, developing patience starts with accepting your experience in the moment for exactly what it is — even if it’s unpleasant.
Whether it’s your toddler’s tantrum or your teenager’s rebellious phase, responding with patience may not come easy in the short-term, but it is essential for a healthy and connected relationship with your child in the long-term.
Practicing acceptance can help you navigate situations while you work and wait for that change to happen. A good tip for practicing acceptance is to adjust your expectations. Sometimes all you can do in the moment is to accept the situation you are experiencing.
Staying present in the moment while maintaining a calm and patient demeanor will help you navigate through challenging moments. Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
2. Active Listening
Listening is an important skill in all areas of life. The reality is that most of us aren’t as good at listening as we’d like to think.
Did you know one of your child’s greatest needs is to be heard, especially by you? How many times has your child said to you, “you aren’t listening to me.” My kids have told me that more times than I want to admit. And they were right. I wasn’t listening.
Active listening is key to responding to that need and building a strong bond with your child. It requires more than hearing the words transmitted, and demands that you find meaning and understanding in what is being said. When you actively listen, you gain a better understanding of your child’s point of view and strengthen trust in your relationship.
Active listening doesn’t mean you agree with or endorse what is being shared with you. However, giving your full attention when your child talks to you shows them that you value their thoughts and feelings.
When it comes to active listening, there are three A’s you should always remember: attention, attitude, and adjustment. Attention means that you are fully tuned into the words and gestures of your child. The right attitude refers to having a positive outlook and being open-minded. Adjustment speaks to your ability to regulate your gestures, body language, and reactions in ways that encourage your child to share more with you.
If you desire meaningful conversations that will strengthen your connection and promote open dialogue, active listening is an important quality to develop.
3. Empathy
In his groundbreaking book Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman describes empathy as a capacity to “know how another feels”. If you are ever going to see the world from your child’s perspective and adequately provide the support they need to face life’s challenges, empathy is a must-have quality.
Developing this quality as a dad will enable you to connect with your child on a deeper level. By developing and demonstrating empathy, you teach your child the importance of compassion and kindness. Empathy also gives you the insight that everyone sees from a different perspective and may, for instance, need more time to express their ideas and feelings.
When situations arise in your child’s life (good, bad, and everything in between), put yourself in their shoes and acknowledge their emotions. Don’t deflect, diminish, or dismiss how they are feeling.
Before offering your help and support, endeavor to understand their feelings and perspective. David Burns, a medical doctor and professor of psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania, observed, “The biggest mistake you can make in trying to talk convincingly is to put your highest priority on expressing your ideas and feelings. What most people want is to be listened to, respected, and understood.”
4. Adaptability
Parenting is a dynamic journey that’s always evolving. One day you are changing diapers and the next day you watching your child go on their first date. It takes intentionality to adjust to these inevitable changes that seem to come too fast.
To fully explore and enjoy the journey of fatherhood, you must be prepared to adjust your approach as your children grow through different life phases. When value and principle are involved, you want to maintain consistency and avoid compromise. In matters that involve, taste, opinions, trends, not values or principles, recognize that you can compromise.
Flexibility in your parenting style will enable you to meet the ever-changing needs of your family. Being adaptable and open to the new experiences life brings as a you navigate being a dad will help you create a nurturing and fulfilling environment.
5. Unconditional Love
The most crucial quality a dad can develop is unconditional love. Nothing says you’re accepted quite like unconditional love. Your children need to know that your love for them is unwavering, regardless of their successes, failures, or mistakes.
Offer encouragement, affirmation, and support in all aspects of their lives. Your love gives them a secure foundation to explore the world and reach their full potential.
Tell your child ‘I love you’ every day—when things are going well, when they are at their best, and especially when they test your patience. It may feel repetitive, and their response might not always be what you want—they might even roll their eyes—but say it anyway.
By expressing your love consistently, even during challenging times, you send a powerful message that your love for them is unconditional. It assures them that they can trust and rely on your love no matter what.
