When was the last time someone expressed heartfelt appreciation for something you did? How did it make you feel?
Being the recipient of gratitude never gets old. We relish it because it significantly increases our happiness and impacts our overall well-being. Being on the receiving end of gratitude can also lead to increased resilience. It activates and strengthens our neural pathways allowing us to access new ways of thinking and living.
Like adults, kids relish being appreciated too. And you can give your child the benefits associated with gratitude by mindfully practicing thankfulness in your interactions with them using the following three tips:
1. Say “thank you” often
From the moment they could speak, saying “thank you” was non-negotiable for my kids. And almost every parent says the same. If saying “thank you” is a good expectation for our kids, it should be the same for us as parents. When you express thanks often (even to your kids) you set the example and make it easier for them to do the same and reap the benefits associated with an attitude of gratitude.
Depending on where you live and grew up, the need for adults to say “thank you” to kids can easily be overlooked due to cultural norms. Growing up as a kid, I was rarely acknowledged for completing certain tasks that were my responsibility with a “thank you” because it was my job to get it done. I find myself doing the same often with my kids and have to remind myself to express thanks to them even when they complete tasks that are their responsibility.
No matter how often we repeat it, saying “thank you” never diminishes in its meaning and ability to make people feel seen, loved and appreciated.
2. Show appreciation for effort, regardless of outcomes
Not everything you ask your child to do will turn out right or be executed to the standards you like. They will make mistakes, rush through the assignment and not give it their full attention. Rather than get upset or communicate your disappointment, view the situation as an opportunity to express your gratitude for the effort they put into getting the task done to the level they did.
Appreciating their effort doesn’t mean you settle for an incorrectly or half completed task. Not at all. You can use this as a learning moment to either demonstrate or provide clear instructions on how to complete the task and what your expectations are.
Taking this approach helps you model what a growth mindset looks like. It communicates that their ability is not fixed, that there’s room to grow and get better, and you are there to help them.
3. Be specific in your gratitude
Specificity when you express gratitude to your child helps them understand exactly what they did and the impact. It makes it repeatable.
Rather than simply saying to your daughter, “thanks for getting ready early”, you could get specific and say, “thanks for getting ready on time this morning, Jessy. It allowed me to drop you off at school, and make it to work early with 25 minutes to spare before my big presentation to a new customer today. Getting to work early helped me feel relaxed and prepared for the presentation. I appreciate your help.”
